All
human life is marked by frailty, fallibility, brokenness, and sin. None of us is immune. None of us
is innocent. Yet, the God we know through Jesus Christ is always offering the
healing and forgiveness of his merciful love and calling us into fullness of
life, love, peace, and joy. And thus we are free.
Among
other things we are free to be wrong. Before you read any further, I encourage you
to watch this video:
In
this brief lecture, Kathryn Schulz, poses the question, “How does it feel to be
wrong?” We all know the feeling. It is usually unpleasant – embarrassing,
shameful, etc. It is a feeling we try to avoid. But, Schulz points out that
that feeling is not the feeling of being wrong, but the feeling of realizing we
are wrong. Before we realize we are wrong, being wrong feels just like being
right.
She
goes on to point out that while we all acknowledge that we could be wrong in
theory, we mostly avoid thinking about the possibility we ourselves might
actually be wrong.
It
is unsettling to concede that right now there are things about which I am convinced
I am right, but about which I am in fact wrong. Of course, if I realize I am
wrong, I hope I will adopt a more correct view. But, at the moment I cannot
think of a single thing I know that I know I am wrong about. Can you?
Schulz
observes that we are, “Trapped in a little bubble of feeling very right about
everything.”
Assuming
we are right about everything is, of course, presumptuous. But, trusting too
much in the feeling of being on the right side of anything is also dangerous.
It is dangerous to our own spirits because it is an expression of the deadly
sin of pride. And it is dangerous because attachment to our own rightness
causes us to treat each other badly – a failure of charity which is also deadly
to the spirit.
Given
our habitual assumption of our own rightness – morally, politically,
religiously, professionally, scientifically, or whatever – we are faced with a
problem – how do we explain all those people who don’t see it our way?
Schulz
suggests that we typically make three “unfortunate assumptions” about those who
do not agree that we are right. We assume they are:
1. Ignorant – they don’t know the facts that we
know
2. Idiots – if it becomes clear that they know
the facts, but still resist our rightness, we assume they are not smart enough
to draw the right conclusion from those facts.
3. Evil – if it is clear they know the facts
and are actually quite smart, we resort to the assumption that they are
deliberately misconstruing things for malevolent purposes.
I
would add two more unfortunate assumptions that seem pretty common:
4. Fearful – those who disagree with me are
afraid of what it would mean for them if I am right.
5. Biased – informed, bright, and well-meaning
though they might be, those who don’t see things my way must be blinded by
biases that prevent them from coming to the proper conclusion.
It
is not hard to find examples of these unfortunate assumptions at work. They are
pervasive in our political discourse. And each of them shows up regularly in
church debates.
The
problem is it is always easy to see how those with whom we disagree make these
assumptions. It is harder to acknowledge the same assumptions in those with
whom we agree. And it is almost impossible to admit them in ourselves.
This
gets tricky because there are indeed people who comment or act while ignorant
of the facts. And some people are brighter than others. And there are people
who manipulate information for selfish gain.
But
it is also true (unless I am wrong) that some configuration of all five of the
above assumptions is true of each of us all the time.
Humility
That
is why cultivating humility is so essential
"Knowledge
puffs up, but love builds up. Anyone who claims to know something does not yet
have the necessary knowledge"
(1
Corinthians 8:1-2)
If
we want to resist pride and cultivate humility, we will accept the reality that
we are wrong. We will look to our own ignorance, lack of intelligence,
maliciousness, fear, and prejudice. And confess them. We will take to heart
John Calvin's warning, “There is no worse screen to block out the Spirit than
confidence in our own intelligence.”
This
does not mean everything is up for grabs. It does not mean that everyone’s
guess is as good as anyone else’s. It does not mean that we ought not to give
due deference to those who, due to study and experience, can speak with more
authority in areas of their expertise (always recognizing that they still could
be wrong).
Within the Church, we continue to recognize authorities
like scripture and tradition (about which we sometimes disagree in particulars). And, in confessing the Creed, we acknowledge that within the Church some questions are settled.
But humility does mean holding what we think we know with a certain lightness – refusing to presume
to grasp equality with God (Philippians 2:3-8).
It
does mean we will engage others with deep humility.
If
we want to live in charity, we will resist the temptation to bear false witness
against our neighbor. Rather than making the “unfortunate assumptions” about
those with whom we disagree, we will begin by assuming the opposite of those
assumptions.
And
we will embrace with sincerity the possibility that we are the ones who are
wrong.
I
suggest that Christians are both bound to practice such humility and charity
and freed to do so. We are bound by the commands of our Lord to do so. We are
freed to do so by the fundamental reality of grace – God's unshakable love and mercy – that frees us from the
obsession with being right and the fear of being wrong.
This frees us to bear with one another when we disagree. This is true whether those disagreements are due to differences of personality or perspective. It is true whether those disagreements are about relatively minor things or things that cut close to the bone.
Perhaps
this is what it means to speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15).
1. The
truth – as best I understand it and sincerely confessing that I could very
well be wrong
2. In
love – with gentleness and reverence toward those who I am trying to
persuade (1 Peter 3:15). In love – which, by any Christian account, is more
important than being right.
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Bearing
with One Another When We Disagree
1. Broken Love
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